Cooler in High School: Abercrombie & Fitch

Let's be honest, when was the last time you even stepped foot in an Abercrombie store?  Sophomore year of college?  Sure, we all still have a shirt or something that still fits.  And sure,  we work into the rotation every now and then, but no one has bought anything new from there in years.

I'd say it jumped the shark when everyone realized they were paying a premium for clothing that looked used.  It wasn't always that way.  Also, its kinda weird shopping in a store full of pictures of mostly nude male models.

And by the way, what ever happened to Fitch? Even the website now is just abercrombie.com.  He totally got screwed.  The lesson here is if you ever start a company, make sure your name is first.

Cooler Now: Not Drinking

Ok, maybe it's not cool now either, but it's at least more acceptable... provided you have a good reason.

In high school, it seemed there were no acceptable reasons to not be drinking. Sure, people were happy to have a designated driver, but they still judged you.

Now it's sometimes ok. But people still want to know why you're not drinking. The following are reasons I've heard and seen be acceptable. Not all will work all of the time, but when used in moderation with a good back story, you should be ok. (Note: be careful about using them together. For example, numbers 4 and 5 don't mix.)

• I'm pregnant
• I need to detox from [insert ridiculous-amount-of-drinking-in-the-last-few-days story]
  
• I'm driving
• I'm Mormon
• It's Passover/Yom Kippur
  
• I'm taking the bar/CPA/GMAT/LSAT soon
• I'm allergic (really make sure to do your homework on this one)
  

Cooler Now: Pretending to know about wine

Remember that guy in high school who drank wine at house parties out of a plastic cup? You know who I'm talking about. It's the same guy who would talk loudly in class on Monday morning about how much he likes white zinfandel. Everyone hated that guy, and for good reason! No one knew anything about wine in high school. Anyone who pretended to was a pretentious loser.

Now, no one really knows anything about wine, but its cool to pretend to! You've at least taken a wine tasting class that taught you how to convincingly fake it.

Most common places to pretend to know about wine:

• On any first, second, or third date
• Any dinner at an Italian restaurant
• A girl's house warming party
• Wine tasting parties
• "Book" clubs
  

Bonus tip: If you ever find yourself out to dinner at a restaurant with people who want to order wine, here's a trick on how to do it.
Step 1: Make sure no one there actually knows about wine. These people normally make it very clear that they know a lot about wine, so they shouldn't be difficult to identify.
Step 2: Take the wine list with authority.
Step 3: Ask the table if they would prefer red or white (make sure you know which wines are red and which are white!).
Step 4: Glance through the list. Make sure not to look at it too long or with too much intensity.
Step 5: Eliminate the cheapest and most expensive. If you select the cheapest, people may think you don't know what you're doing and that you're cheap. If you select the most expensive, people may think that you don't know what you're doing and are just trying to impressive them.
Step 6: Randomly choose any remaining one. It doesn't matter which. But if anyone asks why you chose that one, respond with one of these statements:

• I've heard good things about wines from [insert region in France/Australia/California].
• I recently had a from this vineyard and liked it.
• My gut said it would be a good one.

Step 7: Make sure to pretend to enjoy the wine so everyone else will think its a good one. Let's be honest... they don't really know; they'll just follow your lead.

Cooler in High School: Graphing Calculators

Back in elementary school, there were only a limited number of words that you could spell with a four function calculator. A few examples:

• HI
• HELLO
• HO
• LESS
• BOOB
• BOOBLESS

But the Ti-83 changed that! With the TI-83, you could write out anything! Keep in mind, this was before phones were widespread and text messaging existed. Sure, you could pass notes in class with paper, but those could be captured by the teacher. With the calculator, you could delete the evidence. Plus, in the right class, it looked like you were actually doing work!

And if covert messaging isn't enough to get the TI-83 on this list, then surely the games are.

Baseball - This two player game made movie day in English class interesting. And yes, I was the guy in high school who took a victory lap around the room in celebration of a walk-off homer.

Drug Wars - Might as well have just called it ECON 200. Of course, it probably wouldn't have been as popular.

Tetris - Arguable the greatest video game of all time.

Pac-Man - Another self-explanatory classic.

Oh, and you could plot graphs or solve multi-variable equations too, so that's something.

Considering that I haven't seen a graphing calculator since early in college, I think High School wins by TKO.