Cooler Now: Pretending to know about wine

Remember that guy in high school who drank wine at house parties out of a plastic cup? You know who I'm talking about. It's the same guy who would talk loudly in class on Monday morning about how much he likes white zinfandel. Everyone hated that guy, and for good reason! No one knew anything about wine in high school. Anyone who pretended to was a pretentious loser.

Now, no one really knows anything about wine, but its cool to pretend to! You've at least taken a wine tasting class that taught you how to convincingly fake it.

Most common places to pretend to know about wine:

• On any first, second, or third date
• Any dinner at an Italian restaurant
• A girl's house warming party
• Wine tasting parties
• "Book" clubs
  

Bonus tip: If you ever find yourself out to dinner at a restaurant with people who want to order wine, here's a trick on how to do it.
Step 1: Make sure no one there actually knows about wine. These people normally make it very clear that they know a lot about wine, so they shouldn't be difficult to identify.
Step 2: Take the wine list with authority.
Step 3: Ask the table if they would prefer red or white (make sure you know which wines are red and which are white!).
Step 4: Glance through the list. Make sure not to look at it too long or with too much intensity.
Step 5: Eliminate the cheapest and most expensive. If you select the cheapest, people may think you don't know what you're doing and that you're cheap. If you select the most expensive, people may think that you don't know what you're doing and are just trying to impressive them.
Step 6: Randomly choose any remaining one. It doesn't matter which. But if anyone asks why you chose that one, respond with one of these statements:

• I've heard good things about wines from [insert region in France/Australia/California].
• I recently had a from this vineyard and liked it.
• My gut said it would be a good one.

Step 7: Make sure to pretend to enjoy the wine so everyone else will think its a good one. Let's be honest... they don't really know; they'll just follow your lead.